Becky

Because I promised several people I'd do this; here is the update on my health. I got the results of my latest MRI/MRA and spinal tap back and I am both pleased and disappointed to report that they both came back completely normal. I am glad to know I do not have MS but I am disappointed that we still don't know what exactly is wrong. I go back to the doctors (neurologist) Monday and we'll see where I go from here. Good news is I've regained a lot of the strength in my arm and leg and am now just having to work on building the endurance back up. I maybe able to leave PT/OT behind come next week or two! Other than that things are still going pretty much the same.

Aside from sending out a mass email I figured this would be the easiest way to tell everyone what is going on in our lives recently. Last week Monday I was at clinical at Children's Hospital and passed out several times and lost feeling in the left side of my body. I was taken to Detroit Receiving Hospital and was given some fluids and basically told I was too stressed and I needed to relax and get some more rest and sent home. Tuesday morning I was feeding Tori and get very dizzy, light-headed, nauseous, etc and once again lost feeling in the left side of my body. Chris took me to the family doctor who had me rushed to the ER via ambulance where I then spent the next 4 days while the doctors attempted to figure out what exactly happened to me. After extensive testing it was determined that the ripe old age of 23 I have suffered a mild but debilitating stroke which has left me with decreased use of the left side of my body. There is absolutely no indication of what caused the stroke or why although I have a few ideas myself. I am obviously home now but will be spending the next several weeks to months in intensive outpatient rehab regaining strength and use of my arm and leg and learning to be able to care for myself and my family again. I am taking 2 different anticoagulants now and as a result have had to wean Tori suddenly which has been torturous on both of us. Tori needs me to be around for the next 50 years more than she needs my milk, so that was not a hard decision to make. I'm still in the same place with the same phone number and email address (recently changed to rebeccalhoward@hotmail.com) if anyone wants to get in contact with me or anything.


Side note: Tori is growing like a weed! She is about 17# now and doing wonderfully barring some issues we are having about some possible seizure activity/failure of her head to grow. We see a neurologist on Thursday at Children's just to make sure everything is ok and she is developing normally.

This post is mostly for those of you at OU (although if I forgot anyone else who read this it's for you too...)whom I haven't gotten to speak to recently. I am sorry that I haven't been able to get the baby shower invitations to you guys, but I wanted you all to know you are all are invited to attend Chris and I's baby shower. If any of you know of someone who'd like to come but I haven't gotten an invite too or they don't read my LiveJournal, please pass the invitation on to them as well!

Date: March 5th
Time: 1-4pm

If you are interested in attending(this is for everyone), please let me know (either email me (rstacer@hotmail.com) or reply to this post) so we know how much food to plan on. Also if you have any questions, need directions, etc don't hesitate to email me/reply to this.

I hope to see you all there!

Current Mood: restless
Current Music: Trauma Life in the ER on TV

So I never write in here anymore, but it looks like I'm gonna have plenty of time on my hands for the next several weeks so I thought I might start writing again.

Well, I wish I could say things are going better than they are. I've officially been diagnosed with pre-term labor and sent to bed for the time being. It all started last weekend when I was out shopping and got this horrific back ache and decided I should go home and rest. When I got home I realized the back ache was really contractions and after about an hour of them coming every 4-8 minutes we called the OB and were sent straight to L&D at the hospital. We spend the next 20 something hours there being monitored and trying to get the contractions to stop. The doc thought it might have just been from being dehydrated and pushing myself to hard, so I came home with the resolve to cut back on what I was doing and to drink most fluids. That worked all of 4 days!

I was at clinical on Thursday morning when the contractions started back up but this time they were more intense and painful. Luckily I happen to be in my OB nursing rotation these 8 weeks, so I was on a L&D floor already, So I was shipped off to triage to be monitored for 6 or so hours. They were able to give me a shot to stop the contractions and a shot of steroids that are suppose to help the baby's lungs develop quickly in case s/he does end up coming early. So now I'm on bed rest until I can see my OB on Monday and then we'll decide from there what to do. Pretty sure I'll not be returning to work anytime soon, but I am hopeful my OB will let me continue to go to school if I promise to rest when I am not in class/clinical.

When I was in the hospital Thursday there was some talk that perhaps my water had broken, so they decided to do an ultrasound to see. I, of course, got very excited because I thought we'd FINALLY get to find out what this little stinker is, but NOPE. Our little "Crouching Baby Hidden Gender" is sitting breech in my belly with his/her's little butt so far down in my pelvis that the lowest point we could see was it's little bladder! S/he is just determined to be a surprise and I guess that'll have to be ok. I made a deal with it...it can keep it's gender a secret if it promises to stay right were it's at for at least the next 5 weeks.

Well I guess that's it. I should go do some homework or watch some tv or something....

Current Mood: scared
Current Music: "Little Mud on the Tires" by Brad Paisley

Well as if the belly and temper weren't enough, last night I had my first weird pregnancy craving: coconut pecan frosting straight from the container with cubes of Co-Jack cheese. Then a 1/2 hour later I made my wonderful husband make popcorn. Microwave popcorn just wasn't gonna cut it either; no, I had him get out the pan, olive oil, and popcorn kernels and make it on the stove with melted butter and salt to top.

Current Mood: pleased
Current Music: Sigur Ros

Ok, so I never write in this thing anymore and I am not really sure why. I guess I just figure that the people who read this the most already know what is going on in my life. Well just in case I've missed some people (and I am sure I have and it's unintentional) I will write a little entry about the most recently exciting things that are going on in my life...namely being pregnant and getting married.

So I am now a day shy of being 14 weeks pregnant (yeah for starting my 2nd trimester)and it's amazing how quickly the last 10 weeks have flown by but also how much has happened in the last 10 weeks. I am finally feeling better and I haven't gotten sick in almost 2 weeks! The back and tummy pain I was having has reduced drastically and now I am just waiting to actually look or at least feel pregnant! I am not showing at all yet and although I swear I can feel the baby (who is being called Baby Bear for the time being) moving I am also convinced it has to be all in my head because most first time moms don't feel the movements this early. My next OB appt is next week and I hope we can hear the heartbeat clearer than we did 4 weeks ago. Also now we have just 6 more weeks left before we can find out if we are having a boy or girl! This has been driving both Chris and I nuts since we first found out we were pregnant. Chris really wants a girl and I am not really sure I care either way. Everyone else is pretty evenly divided between wanting a girl and wanting a boy.

Chris and I have decided to do our little civil marriage ceremony at the court house on Oct 20th. We are not making a big deal out of the day. We'll go to the court house in the morning, go to lunch and then he'll go to class and I'll go to take a huge mid-point of nursing school test from 1-4pm and then go off to work. We plan on having a big celebration next summer to celebrate the wedding, baby, and Chris's graduation from college.

Well I guess that about sums everything up for now.

Current Mood: excited
Current Music: The clicking of keyboards in the Library

So I'm sitting here at work and had this desire to update my journal...how odd huh? We all know how well I am at keeping up my journal, so it's pretty weird to have such a desire..anywho...

Well there isn't much all that new or exciting going on in my life. I wake up, go to work, come home, cook/clean/shop or do some other "womanly" things, watch tv, go to bed and then start over again. Gosh my life is just so exciting isn't? Chris is working now (he had some trouble at first finding a job) so I have more "free" time now but really not much to do with it. I'm enjoying having someone to come home to every night. I never realized how lonely living alone can be. We've had our fair share of difficulties to work through in the last month, but we've weathered them quite well.

I'm not looking forward to the start of classes again at all. Mainly because it means that Chris will be leaving again and although he'll only be 2-2.5 hour drive away(opposed to the 4 hour flight away he used to be) it'll be tough to get used to not having someone there all the time again. We've got to get busy looking for an apt for him soon too.

My school screwed with the "set-times" they had originally promised our classes would meet. We where suppose to have lecture classes MTH from 9-12 and clinical on TW from 7-3. Well my first 8 weeks I have lecture on F from 9-11 and 12-3 and clinical on WTH from 8-4. Second 8 weeks lecture is MTH 10-1 and clinical TW from 3-11pm. That is gonna make working kinda tough; luckily I work with two wonderful families who are willing to work with me and my schedule.

Ok, time to rant about my job and the inconsiderate people who work for the same company that I do. So the entire summer we've been looking for at least 1 other if not 2 other staff members to work with one of my clients (name withheld for confidentiality reasons;although most of you know who I am speaking of). So far we've had one girl come out who interviewed and then was suppose to show up the next day and didn't. We where later called by the agency who said they where sorry she wasn't coming in but they had someone else who would come out instead. Come to find out the 2nd woman was the first woman's cousin. Ok so she came out and worked an entire shift with me and was then to show up the next day and never did. She called the agency and told them it was to far to drive, but never called us here to tell us why she didn't show up. Ok, so now yesterday we where suppose to have yet a 3rd person come out to interview. She called about 30 minutes before she was suppose to be here to tell us she had a flat tire and couldn't make it. Understandable, so we reschedule for today at 10am and guess who never shows? Yep, you got it right. I can't imagine having an interview and just never showing up or having someone expect me to be somewhere and just not calling and telling them I wouldn't be showing up! How rude are these people? Some families really rely on their staff showing up when they are suppose to and it can be a huge mess when they don't. Luckily my client's family isn't one of those families, there are people who can do the job if/when it's necessary, but still...that shouldn't just be assumed. Ok, that's enough ranting.

Well I guess that concludes this entry...I have nothing more to say.

Hey, yeah, so I haven't updated my LJ in months but I finally have something to actually write about so here is the list of awesome things that are going on in my life.

-As of last Saturday I am no longer living alone! YAY! Yes that means that Chris has finally arrived safe and soundly and things couldn't be better.

-As of last Sunday I am officially and completely engaged!! DOUBLE YAY! Chris surprised me at dinner with the most beautiful ring I could ever imagine. The main stone is my birthstone, the aquamarine, and it is surrounded by 12 diamond chips and its just so pretty! I can't wait to show it off to everyone.

-As of last Tuesday my hair is now about 12-12.5 inches shorter! Yep, I finally cut it. I donated the hair that was cut to Lock of Love and that is pretty exciting too. My hair is now just below chin length and at first I HATED it but now I think its actually very cute. Once again can't wait to show it off to everyone.


Whelp so much for my long and in-depth LJ entry....I'll catch everyone later =)

Current Mood: excited
Current Music: The TV in the background

So yeah its my birthday...wooohooo...and according to Cameron it's my "Great Birthday" which means my age is the same number as the date I was born (i.e. I'm 22 yrs old on the 22nd of the month). So umm...yeah not sure what else to say. Not much of a birthday really....I had 3 hours of lectures today and then this afternoon/night I am working, so fun, fun, fun. Being an adults sucks really. Remember when you where a kid and your birthday was such a big deal? You got to take cupcakes to school and pick what to have for dinner and have birthday parties and stuff? I miss that stuff. Any way, so yeah that is really all I wanted to say I guess. One of these days I'll post an actual entry about my life and stuff..but not today...I's sleepy. Nappy Time for the Birthday Princess.

Current Mood: sleepy
Current Music: My kitten purring on my lap

Your Candy Heart Is "MISS YOU"

Your Candy Heart is "Fuck Me"

When people say V-day is romantic, they're not wrong.

It's just that you're idea of romance is doing it all night long.

So screw the dinner, the cards, and the roses.

You'll show love by doing it in many poses.



What Naughty Candy Heart Are You?

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

Current Mood: lonely
Current Music: Goodbye Girl

First job: Baby-sitting
First screen name: emtsuperwoman
First self purchased album: New Kids on the Block
First piercing/tattoo: single holes in my ears at age 8
First credit card: don't got one
First true love: Christopher Johnathon
First enemy: Megan
First concert: 4-Him
First musician you remember hearing in your house: Garth Brooks, Led Zeppelin, Rolling Stones
Last big car ride: Big? Our trip to CMU at New Years time?
Last kiss: Tiger...3 weeks ago
Last library book: Seven from Heaven (the story of the McCoughy Septuplets)
Last movie seen: Liar Liar
Last beverage drank: Choc Milk
Last food consumed: Pizza
Last phone call: My mom harassing me
Last cd played: Love for Always
Last annoyance: My professor having me look up 9 meds and then not letting me give them.
Last soda drank: Ginger Ale
Last ice cream eaten: Mint Choc Chip
Last time scolded: *pleads 5th* sure I'll do the same too honey
Last shirt worn: baby blue sweater
Last website visited: http://www.livejournal.com/users/cjhowardcmu/
Spell your first name backwards - acceber
Where do you live? Romeo, MI

DESCRIBE YOUR
[ x ] Wallet: It's a combination thingy with my black purse
[ x ] Hairbrush: Purple
[ x ] Toothbrush: Blue & white & motorized (heehee...so is mine now!)
[ x ] Jewelry worn daily: Watch, med alert tag
[ x ] Coffee cup: don't have a fav really
[ x ] Sunglasses: don't have any
[ x ] Underwear: Pink
[ x ] Shoes: None right now...but black boots
[ x ] Favorite top: Top? Shirt? Chris's ASU one I stole
[ x ] Cologne/perfume: Just Herbal Essence Shampoo
[ x ] CD in stereo right now: Clay Aiken
[ x ] Tattoos: none, might get one someday though
[ x ] Piercing: double in ears.
[ x ] What you are wearing now? PJ bottoms and a tee shirt
[ x ] Hair: It's umm...there and its pulled back and braided
[ x ] Makeup: Yucky stuff

WHO or WHAT (was/is/are)
[ x ] In my mouth: Nothing...:-(
[ x ] In my head: "I need......"
[ x ] Wishing: That Chris was home tonight
[ x ] Talking to: Chris
[ x ] Eating: Nothing anymore...
[ x ] Person you wish you could see right now: Chris
[ x ] Is next to you: no one :(
[ x ] Your favorite movies: Patch Adams, Liar Liar, Finding Nemo
[ x ] Something you're looking forward to in the upcoming month: Not a whole lot unfortunately
[ x ] The last thing you ate: Gummy Bears
[ x ] Do you like candles? Shure
[ x ] Do you believe in love? Absolutely
[ x ] Do you believe in soul mates? You know it
[ x ] Do you believe in love at first sight? Hmmmmm....
[ x ] Do you believe in heaven? Absolutely
[ x ] Do you believe in forgiveness? Good Heaven's yes!
[ x ] What do you want done with your body when you die? donated to medical science
[ x ] Who is your worst enemy? Don't really think I have an arch-enemy or anything
[ x ] If you could have any animal for a pet what would it be? another kitten for Peanut to play with
[ x ] What's the latest you've ever stayed up? 32 hours I think
[ x ] Ever been to Belgium? "It that where they make them waffles?" - Dubya (heehee..I like that one)
[ x ] Can you eat with chopsticks? Nada
[ x ] What's your favorite coin? the new Michigan Quarters
[ x ] Who are the last 10 ppl you saw? Umm...people at OU I think
[ x ] What's something that you wish people would understand? How to deal with people
[ x ] What's something you wish you could understand better? Honestly? Myself
[ x ] Anyone you miss that you haven't seen in a long time? My Tiger
[ x ] Last words? "I love you"

1. EXOTIC FOREIGNER ALIAS
(Favorite Spice + Last Foreign Vacation Spot)
Garlic...but never been to a foreign place... :-(

2. SOCIALITE ALIAS
(Silliest Childhood Nickname + Town Where You First Partied)
Booch Pleasant

3. "FLY GIRL" ALIAS
(First Initial + First Two or Three Letters of Your Last Name)
R. STA

4. ROCK STAR ALIAS
(Any Liquid on the Bar + Last Name of Bad-Ass Caleb)
Rum Van Dam

5. DIVA ALIAS
(Something Sweet Within Sight + Any Liquid in Kitchen)
Choc Milk Ajax

6. GIRL DETECTIVE ALIAS
(Favorite Baby Animal + Where You First Went To School)
Kitten Croswell

7. BARFLY ALIAS
(Last Snack Food You Ate + Your Favorite Drink)
gummy bear dr. pepper

8. SOAP OPERA ALIAS
(Middle Name + Street Where You First Lived)
Lynn Athena

9. And finally the classic PORN STAR ALIAS
(Your first pet's name + your mother's maiden name)
Fritz Minor

Current Mood: sleepy
Current Music: "When the sun goes down" Kenny Chesney and Uncle Kracker

1. What is your full name: Rebecca Lynn Stacer
2. What color pants are you wearing now: Blue Sweats
3. What are you listening to right now: The TV show "Sue Thomas, F B Eye"
4. What are the last two digits of your phone number: 86
5. What was the last thing you ate: M and M's
6. If you were a crayon what color would you be: sky blue
7. How is the weather right now: Chilly, but it's also February in Michigan
8. Last person you talked to on the phone: Chris
9. The first thing you notice about a guy/girl: Face
10. Do you like the person who sent this to you: I've seen it on several LJ's and I love everyone of you.
11. How are you today: Was really good earlier today and now my mood has turn 180 degrees
12. Favorite (non-alcoholic) drink: Choc Milk
13. Favorite alcoholic drink: Cheap rum & store-brand soda
14. Favorite Sports: Hockey
15. Hair color: blond
16. Eye color: baby blue
17. Do you wear contacts: No
18. Siblings: 2 sisters, 1 brother, 1 brother-in-law, 2 sister in laws and 2 more brother in laws to come
19. Favorite month: May
20. Favorite food: Fettuccine Alfredo
21. Last movie you watched: Liar Liar
22. Favorite day of the year: May 15th sticks out in my head...;)
23. Are you too shy to ask someone out: mmhmm
24. Summer or Winter: Summer
25. Hugs or Kisses: Both are good
26. Chocolate or Vanilla: Chocolate
27. Do you want your friends to write back: Why not
28. Who is most likely to respond: April
29: Who is least likely to respond: Everyone who has already
30. What's under your bed: Umm...stuff
31. What books are you reading: Nursing stuff...My LIFE
32. What's on your mouse pad: Its just black
33. Favorite Board Game: Scrabble =)
34. What did you do last night: Went to Animania at U of M, came home and talked to Chris a bit and then passed out.
35. Favorite Smells: The way Chris smells
36. Can you touch your nose with your tongue: almost...so close
37. What inspires you: People who are so much worse off than I am and doing so much better than I am
38. Red, plain or salted popcorn: The uber-greasy, artery-clogging stuff at the theatres...yum!
39. Favorite Flower: Roses
40. What is the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning? How many days until I don't have to sleep alone..
41. What's a dream you had once that you remember very well and don't think you'll ever forget? The time I dreamt that I was pregnant with Chris's daughter way back when we where at CMU...fate some might say? Foreshadowing...more likely....

Current Mood: annoyed
Current Music: Nothing

Current Mood: lonely
Current Music: Peanut's purring

My friend April asked us to post in her journal the things we are thankful for and I decided instead to 1. answer that question in my own journal and 2. ask the same thing of the people who read my journal. The reason I decided to answer the question in my own journal is because there is a long story that goes along with one of the biggest things I am thankful for....

My List (note these are not in order, more so just what comes to mind)
1. The love of friends and selected family members (I love you all! )
2. My truly wonderful, loving, kind, thoughtful boyfriend (I love you so much honey)
3. The opportunities I've been given in life to better myself (i.e. nursing school...)
4. God's unconditional love, grace, and forgiveness
5. The ability to be a spoiled American.

Number 5 is what's on my mind most of all today and has been since last night. I wrote one other time in this journal about my friend Marcus. Here is what I wrote before to refresh everyone's memory..

Just got done talking to an old friend online. His name is Marcus and I met him last Oct-Nov-ish on one of those online dating services thing. His families home is just about an 20 minute drive from my own, but at that time he was currently stationed in Kuwait with the Army. He was due to get out in July and we had made plans to meet and possible see where things went. We emailed everyday until middle/late December when he stopped responding to my emails. I knew that was unlike him and I felt it must be due to the current issues in Iraq area and when the war broke out in March, I knew he was on the front lines. Well he just popped online today and first thing he said to me was "Hey honey. where are those cookies you promised to send me" I laughed so hard. Like I could have possibly sent cookies 1/2 way around the world and to him as he slept in a tent in some random part of Iraq? He is now back in Georgia and is being discharged from the Army and finally coming home. I told him that I prayed for him every night that he was safe and well and he thanked me. His group was the first group troops into Iraq and he was also part of the group that took Baghdad. He was very much in harms way and I am sure lost many friends and comrades during the war. I was never really that supportive of the war itself, but once we had troops invading Iraq I knew I should support the troops there and pray for their safety and I am so glad Marcus is back and safe. He had to go before I got a chance to let him know that I moved on romantically in my life and am no longer available, but I am sure I'll tell him in due time. I am for sure still going to meet him and personally thank him for doing his part in keeping us all safe...

Well I got that chance last night. I meet Marcus for some coffee and I got the chance to thank him in person for keeping all of us safe. It was probably the hardest and most heart wrenching thing I had ever done. Sitting across the table from me was a man who choice to give up a part of his life to serve his county way back 7 yrs ago when the world seemed to be a safe place. Just over 2 yrs ago we all learned that the world isn't the safe place we thought it was. Anyway, so some war policy is drawn up and all of a sudden 100's of thousands of innocent men and women are sent off to foreign parts of the world to fight for something that they did not ask for or probably even believed in at the time. The government took these people, these humans and brainwashed them into being robots-killing machines. They repeatedly drilled into their heads that human life means nothing, just shoot them, take there stuff and move on. Don't be upset when people from you troop didn't make it out of a battle. Human life means nothing...so these people are brainwashed into thinking this and they serve their jobs and do a damn good job at it and then the government no longer needs them. So they are send back home, back to the civilian (i.e. real) world and are just left to fend for themselves. The government doesn't help them find a job, housing, counseling, rehab, NOTHING. They are just left to fend for themselves. Remember this is after being brainwashed into thinking/feeling/ believing that human life means nothing, and we wonder why we have people who are war veterans who murder, rape, molest, steal, etc? We wonder why such people exist? They exist because the government gets what they want out of these people and then just say "fuck you all" and leave them to their own vices.

So sitting across the table from me was a man who you could clearly see had no soul in him anymore. You looked into his eyes and saw nothing. He did what he could for his country and this is his payback. Sent back to the states after over 2 yrs in the deserts in Kuwait and Iraq and just left. I don't know that I've ever felt such feelings of helplessness, anger, frustration, pride, etc in my whole life. I was really just a huge ball of emotions when I came home (just asked Chris who got to listen to me sort them out for hours last night). I never believed in this war really and now I believe in this war even less and less. 1000's of men and women have physically died in that war and for what? What has anyone gained from it? NOTHING. Not only have 1000's of soldiers lost their lives, but every last person who made it back home safely has died emotionally and mentally. Was the loss worth the gain?

We are so spoiled sitting here tonight eating our turkey dinners and visiting with friends and family when so many people who did not ask for it are sitting in a desert right now maybe lucky enough to be eating an MRE. Some are even sitting eating turkey dinners with family and friends after coming home, but can't enjoy the warmth of being with family and friends because they have been forced to be less than human.

If any of you ever get the chance to sit down and talk to a war veteran I would highly encourage you to do so...it's a truly eye opening experience and I know personally that I will NEVER be the same person I once was....

Current Mood: thankful
Current Music: "Perfect Day" -Clay Aiken

Ok, so you all remember last weeks post about nearly being killed on the way home from work right? Well I have 2 more near death experiences to share with you that happened just today!

I am beginning to wonder if I am just meant to die soon or maybe God is just really looking out for me. Ok, so since I have an old car I always check the fluid levels in my car about every 2 week or so, well 2 weeks ago I had my oil changed and they checked my fluids and topped them off. Well I go today to check my fluids and find out that instead of putting brake fluid in they accidentally put antifreeze in the reservoir! Thank God that brake fluid is thicker than antifreeze and they did not mix or I probably wouldn't have had the brakes to stop last week and avoided that accident, or maybe even to stop at all. So I am going to yell at some inept men at a lube shop tomorrow (yeah right between nursing lab from 9-3 and working from 4-9).

Next thing, I ate dinner in the dining commons tonight with my client and their specialty thing was shrimp, potatoes and green beans. So after getting my client his dinner, I ask the sever guy to use a completely new and clean utensil and clean gloves to dish me up some green beans. He does both things for me, but I still somehow came in contact with shrimp tonight and am now fighting a pretty good allergic reaction! I came home and after thanking God to still be alive, took a triple dose of Benedryl and the hives and swelling to my face has subsided. I hope it is just a quick reaction and not one the lingers on for a long time, because I don't really have time to go to the hospital or clinic for stronger meds than the Benedryl I have.


Yeah, so I am thanking my lucky stars, and GOD for still being here with you all tonight letting you all know once again how much I love you all!

Second to last note: When I refer to "thanking my lucky stars", I do not in any way, shape or form, mean to imply the Dallas Stars, because they suck and are going to get beat very badly by the Detroit Red Wings on Friday night...heehee...I love you baby... =P

Last note. HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY TO MY TIGER! I LOVE YOU MORE EACH AND EVERY DAY AND I HOPE WE ARE BLESSED WITH MANY MORE BIRTHDAYS THAT WE CAN CELEBRATE TOGETHER. *HUGGLES AND KISSES*
(heehee...and NO I am not early...the current time is 12:11 am on Thursday October 23rd)

Current Mood: amused
Current Music: Listening to the Yankee's and Marlins game...

Just as the title says, I almost didn't make it home tonight. I was able to avoid a 6-8 car pile up by about 1.3 seconds this afternoon. A woman decided she needed to make a right hand turn from the far left lane today and cut off me and 2 other lanes of traffic. We all slammed on our brakes and miraculously swerved in opposite directions and no one collided. Several people ended up on the embankment or median, but everyone walked away. That really got me thinking about how fragile life is and how quickly we can be taken from this world. I just wanted to let all my friends know how much I love and appreciate each and everyone of you. You never know when your life might be over, so take some time and let those you care about know how much they really mean to you.

*HUGE HUGGLES* for all my friends. I LOVE YOU ALL!

Current Mood: thankful
Current Music: just the soft sounds of Peanut purring

Forgot to put this in the other journal for those of you who cares. Come to find out my kitten is actually male! I did some research and according to some reliable sites, it is hard to determine male or female in kittens until they are about 3-4 months old. Peanut (as he is going to be called from now on) is 4 months old today, so I don't feel SO bad that I couldn’t' tell male from female until recently. Now I have to hurry to get him neutered before he starts spraying.

Current Mood: infuriated
Current Music: Soft sounds of my MALE kitten purring

Today is the 26th anniversary of my oldest sister's birth and death (she passed her first bowel movement in mom's uterus and inhaled it upon delivery, which stuck to her lungs and in essence suffocated her to death) and for the first time in many, many years I did not make it to the cemetery to see her. I never knew her obviously since she came along 4.5 yrs before I did, but my mom raised us always knowing we had a bigger sister. I believe that my sister is and always has been my guardian angel and the one who helped my sister and I get through and out of the horrible situation we endured at home. It's odd but I've always felt this closeness to her and I've never met her. Some day we will be reunited in heaven though... This anniversary every year leaves me with mixed feelings...I feel part of the loss my parents must have felt that day and feel every day since then, I feel the pain that my dad must have felt being on Naval Ship somewhere in the middle of the Atlantic while his wife was giving birth to a child who wouldn't survive to meet her dad, I feel the pain my mom must have felt going through the labor, delivery, and death of my sister alone. The past few years (7 to be exact) I feel anger most of all...I am angry that my father (her father) has been back in Michigan for the past 7 yrs (ok, well up until he moved to FL in Dec) and not ONCE has been to see his eldest daughter's grave, Hell he doesn’t' even remember the day she was born/died. I can't imagine not remembering my own child’s birth or death. Shouldn't surprise me though, this is the man that "forgot" he had 2 other daughters for 14 yrs and even since moving back to MI has forgotten both mine and my sister's birthdays...I know some people are forgetful, but for heaven's sake...forgetting your own children's birth?

Well writing this all has brought back a flood of memories I'd soon forget so I am going to sign off for now.

Current Mood: enraged
Current Music: nothing right now, just the sounds of my mind in overdrive

Jimmy Wayne - Jimmy Wayne - I Love You This Much

He can't remember the times that he thought
Does my daddy love me?
Probably not
But that didn't stop him from wishing that he did
Didn't keep from wanting or worshiping him

He guesses he saw him about once a year
He could still feel the way he felt
Standing in tears
Stretching his arms out as far as they'd go
Whispering daddy, I want you to know

Chorus
I love you this much and I'm waiting on you
To make up your mind, do you love me to?
However long it takes
I'm never giving up
No matter what, I love you this much

He grew to hate him for what he had done
'Cause what kind of a father, could do that to his son
He said 'damn you daddy', the day that he died
The man didn't blink, but the little boy cried

Chorus

Half way through the service
While the choir sand a hymn
He looked up above the preacher
And he sat and stared at him

He said "Forgive me father"
When he realized
That he been unloved or alone all his life
His arms were stretched out as far as they'd go
Nailed to the cross, for the whole world to know

Chorus

Current Mood: thoughtful
Current Music: GAC in the background and the soft sounds of a kitten purring